oh my god yeah! anyways you guys before i go i have one more good story to tell you i took a... i took a road trip about a yearago after i got rid of the beetle in the suv. took a road trip from la to phoenix to go perform at this club let me tell you who's in the car. i'mdriving i got my buddy armando riding shotgun he's another fluffy guy we call him sexy bitch i don't call him that his wife calls him that, "he's a sexy bitch" anyway, the back seat i got my friend martin
next to him is my friend felipe. so we take off we're on the 10 freeway we're passing all these indian casinos sorry, we're stupid like that! anyway... all of a sudden all these cars startpassing me, right? i'm getting annoyed because i'm driving a... i said next car that tries to pass me i'm not gonna let em. so i'm looking in therearview mirror waiting... looking... waiting waiting and i see a silver dot. the silverdot turned out to be a little car with two
hoochies in it right? now some of you guys are like how do you know that they're hoochies? 'cause my friend martin was in the back seat going i feel a disturbance in the force. they tried to go around and i cut em off i'm having fun, they're back there e e e whatever my friend felipe's in the back seat yelling at me, fool, what are you doing? i go dude, don't worry i'm having fun
gabriel you're going to get pulled over. dude i'm ok, it's cool. we're arguing going back and forth i'm not paying attention, i don't see a california highway patrol officercreeping up on us all of a sudden i hear i look at the speedometer... 102 oh, i freaked out the little car that was behind me with the two hoochies they got pulled over because they were going just as fast
i'm in the front seat of my car freakingout, oh my god i'm gonna go to jail, i can't believe it i'm on the verge of tears from the back seat i hear my friendfelipe, fool what are you crying for, what are you crying for fool? you're not the one with weed in his pocket are you? you have drugs in the car?! i told you to slow down didn't i? but noooo because chu knows everything shoot, everybody roll down your window
air out the car mondo fart, do something man the cop walks over to the window looks in, sees my face recognizes me from tv right he's like hey i know you you're a comedian yeah, you're that guyfrom comedy central you're the guy that does that joke about his friend at a hoteland you crank call him and you call him a dirty mexican and then you go
but it was funny huh? oh i love thatjoke! that one and when you go chocolate cake! oh i love that joke! i hate to do this to you but we got twocars involved i need your license and registration ok here you go here you go so he takes my info goes back to the car with the two girls in it, right? the whole time he'sback there i tell everybody in the car check it out he just recognized me fromtv maybe if we have some fun with him
crack some jokes maybe he won't take the car i don't care if i get a ticket but aslong as he doesn't take the car mondo be silly, crack a joke martin be funny felipe? what fool? shut the hell up so the cop comes back to the car what the hell were you doing out there? before i could think of something funny to say, from the back seat i hear fool, he was testing the suspension
oh my god this pothead's gonna get mearrested officer i'm sorry that's my friendfelipe that's the guy from the special that's the guy who says but it was funnyhuh he's just trying to get me in troublei'm really sorry whatever... so he goes back to his squad car with mydriver's license and he's swiping it in a computer the whole time he's doing thathe's being yelled at from the back seat of my car hey officer!
thank god you have a computer! last week we got stopped in mexico... that fool had a rolodex! the cop starts dying i go oh we got em going, we got em going i told my buddy, mondo give me my cds i take out my bad boys 2 soundtrack and i pop it in track 3 is the theme song to cops i tell my friend felipe tell me whenthe cop starts walking ok fool here he comes
i crank that song as loud as i could bad boys what chu gon' what chu gon' what chu gonna doooo best part now the cop is walking tothe beat even better than that the two hoochies in the car can hear the music and they're freaking out like oh my god, we're gonna be on tv the cop goes to the girls gives them aticket let's them go looks at our car and at this point we'relike halfway through the song right we're like that might be going to be no rookie
police don't give me no break i don soldier la la la la la chimica bad boys bad boys we got our arms out the window like a bunch of idiots the cop is in the middle of the freewaydying he walks over to the window and he's like shut it off! yes sir hands me my license and the registrationand he tells me gabriel...
i want you to do me a big favor. i want you to keep his tank under a hundred you think you can do that? do that for me keep on doing what you do and you have yourself a nice day w w w w... that's it? no ticket? no ticket i don't know what possessed me to lookat this man and go whyyy????
how come the girls got a ticket? and he tells me the coolest thing, he says 'cause they couldn't make me laugh wooo wee! you don't understand gabriel i've beenon the force now for 26 years this is hands down the funniest damntraffic stop i've ever been a part of do you have any idea how hard it is togive two sluts a ticket while listening to cops?! i damn near pissed myself i was laughingso hard this is going in the books as one of thefunniest things to ever happen
to a police officer i swear to god the only story better than this one is abuddy of mine pulled over some fat guy that gave him doughnuts so he starts walking away, right and just as i'm about to start the car so does that mean i could keep my weed? i turn around to yell at my friend too late, the cop is at the window you want to run that by me again son?
you heard what i said fool oh you think this is a big joke don't you you think that just cause i gave your buddy here a break i know who he is, i like what he does i don't know you i don't like you... stepout of the car i turn around and my friend felipe is like woahhhh.... i'm so scared and the cop pulls out his gun i'm freaking out , i'm like oh my god!
back seat, my friend felipe ooohhhhh ooohhh i am so scared fool he is good, he is good and then he points it at him the look on my friend felipe's face priceless are you serious? i'm gonna go to jail? the cop was like nah!
but that was funny huh?! i love you bakersfield thank you! i don't know
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