but clearly, donald trumpis the winner of thanksgiving. he's got so muchto be thankful for. he ran his campaignthe way he wanted. lots of people wantto give him high fives. and he was elected president, which means all thosetime travelers clearly failed. oh, on top of all of that, he'll also bethe first commander-in-chief who's doing "president"as his part-time job.
woman: conflicts of interest between donald trump's businesses and his presidency are already sparking talks of a constitutional crisis. the question arises, how are his personalfinancial interests potentially conflictingwith the national interests of the united states? that's a very good question. a question you'd thinkwould be answered
after a 17-month campaign,a hundred debates and 12 billion hoursof press coverage. (chuckling):but, i mean... we spent all that timeon e-mails, so, i mean... we know so much about e-mailsnow-- have you noticed that? we know about imap,we know about pop3, bleachbits,and every type of server. hell, we even knowthe shape and general size of anthony weiner's dick.
but we don't know...we know almost nothing about where trump's money is.(laughs loudly) -(laughter)-we... (speaking indistinctly) (whooping, applause) what we do know, what we do knowis that trump definitely plans on making more. newswoman: on friday, the trump international hotel in dc entertained a group of foreign diplomats, marketing the new hotel's exclusive hotel's
exclusive townhouse suite. cost per night: $20,000. the secret serviceis considering renting an entire floor of trump towerto set up a command post for protecting donald trumpand his family when they're in new york--this is a plan that would cost about a millionand a half dollars a year just to rent a floorof trump tower. wow, that'skind of a dick move, man.
you're gonna charge rent to the people who are thereto keep you alive? you're making a profitoff the secret service? you know, if one of themtakes a bullet for trump, he's probably gonna charge themfor his dry cleaning bill. he'll be like,"you got blood on my suit, "and this suitwas made in china, okay? you got to pay.you're gonna pay." (applause)
how can you do that?i wouldn't be shocked if the secret service gave trumpa (bleep) nickname. slum lord is on the move.slum lord is on the move. by the way, don't do that,secret service. (quietly):do it. now, uh,in a normal administration, the president making moneyoff the secret service would be a monumental scandal that would dominate the newsfor weeks.
they would probably makean hbo show about it, or at least a showtime one--the point is, paul giamatti would be in itand it would be amazing. but for trump,that story doesn't even make the front page news, becausejust in the last two weeks, president-elect trump has beenon the phone with world leaders every single day--and it seems like trump's eye is not necessarilyon the right ball. for instance, in argentina,
trump's companieshave been struggling to get their permits fortheir hundred million-dollar, 35-story towerin buenos aires, right? so when argentina's presidentcalled trump to congratulate himon his victory, trump just coincidentally handedthe phone to his daughter, who will now be overseeinghis real estate businesses. oh, just out of the blue. just be like,"oh, and i appreciate...
"oh, look at that.it's ivanka, folks. "oh-ho! what are the chances? "oh, now, if you'll permit me, "i insist you two build a friendship together. -tower."-(laughter) in fact,it seems like every time trump has a conversationwith a foreign official, it somehow includesthe business of trump. newsman: ...donald trump embroiled in a legal fight
with the scottish government over a wind farm just offshore ruining the view, a fight he lost less than a year ago. newsman: yet shortly after his election, he met with british politician nigel farage, who helped lead the brexit movement, and did they discuss wind farms again? just today, trump told the new york times... what do you mean,you "might have brought it up"?
this is a questionabout international relations, and he responds like a characterfrom a jane austen novel. "i might have brought it up. a lady never tells."(high-pitched giggling) why... why isthe president-elect of the united states stressedabout the view from his scottish golf course? you're the president! focus, donald! focus!
jobs! isis! the economy! -focus!-(laughter) most people see presidentas their end goal. trump is like,"now that i'm president, i can finally bea successful businessman!" -(laughter, applause)-what are you doing? focus! and look, don't get me wrong,i'm not saying trump shouldn't make that paper, but at least putamerica's interests first.
because at this rate,u.s. foreign policy might be determined by wheretrump happens to have a hotel. it's like the whole world'sa monopoly board and trump's like,"syria, it's fine. "i don't have a hotel there.russia, you can roll again. you can roll again."i mean, the guy was on a call with the president of turkey,and he still found the time to slip in a good word forhis istanbul business partner. now-now, here's the thing,
if erdogan is niceto trump's business partner, there's a good chance that trumpwill owe erdogan in return. which is not good,for two reasons. one, no one wants to picturetrump and erdogan scratching each other's backs. and two, if you owe presidenterdogan a personal favor, the favor he calls in,could be for the u.s. to stop supporting his enemiesin the kurdish militia, which are america'smost effective ally
in the fight against isis. so trump's turkish skyscraper could end uphampering the battle against middle east terrorists. and, by the way, if you thinkforeign leaders haven't noticed where trump's head is at,well, think again. tv reporter: president rodrigoduterte, the philippine leader, had already named mr. trump's business partner in manila as a special envoy to the united states.
tv reporter: mr. trump has been tied to philippine real estate magnate, jose. e.b. antonio, who has been appointed the country's envoy to the u.s. mr. antonio is also building trump towers manila in makati. oh, would you look at that? the man who trump needs to buildhis towers in the philippines is now coming to washingtonasking for favors from america. yeah. so don't be shockedwhen trump goes against obama and says duterte can go onkilling people in the streets,
because then trump will be like,yeah, you're making a killing, i'm making a kill, we're good. -we're good.-(audience exclaiming) being presidentof the united states is already the hardest jobin the world. you don't need somebodywho's distracted by picking curtainsfor his newest tower. and i've picked curtains;that (bleep) is hard. it is so hard, 'cause you haveto pick more than the thing
than the space and then there's,like, the one that does that, and then there's the hooks,and if you get the hooks, and then you're like,i didn't know the hooks were supposed to go on--and then the thing's falling, and you're like,i should have got blinds. (laughter) -it so hard, it's so hard.-(laughter and applause)) but all of these thingstrump is doing. just-just think about this,think about this.
if, god forbid, if, god forbid,somebody decided to attack one of the trump towersin the world, is that an attack on the hotel? or is that now an attackon america? think about it. because the hotel is ownedby the president of america. and you know that trumpwould react to it. the guy melts down if someoneinsults him on twitter. is he going toinvade the middle east
because someone (bleep)in his lobby? because i'll tell you now,i would. i'll tell that you straight up.i'll tell you. if i had nuclear weapons,and you (bleep) in my lobby, i hope you (bleep) good, becausethat's gonna be the last (bleep) anyone in your countryever takes. i'm coming for you man,don't (bleep) in my lobby. sorry, sorry.you know what i mean, though. look, the point is,having a president
who's trying to run businessesall over the world not only makes for a lessfocused president, but people who voted for trumpsaid they wanted someone who would run americalike a business. more and more though,it seems like voters got someone who is running americafor his business.
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